Stupid Crime - True Stories About Dumb Criminals
 Updated Monthly Because They're Indefensible

July 1998

 

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Liverpool: In what may be the ultimate street crime, thieves last month used a digger and a lorry to steal 90 metres of roadway from Brecon Street in the city's Kensington district. The daring robbers escaped with more than 5,000 old cobblestones, worth up to 10 pounds each. "They were here when I left on Saturday evening," said local mechanic Bob Barlow, who has a garage on Brecon Street. "My first thought was that the council must have been working on the road but had been a bit over- enthusiastic. Then the penny dropped and I realised someone had actually stolen the road. It's not what you expect, is it?"
(Source: The Daily Mail, London)

Brisbane: Brisbane's State Library at South Bank had to be evacuated last month after complaints that a "foul smell" was wafting through the building. But the supposed gas leak - which caused the evacuation of 200 staff and 100 visitors for half a day while police, fire brigade, ambulance and Hazardous Chemical Unit officers nervously combed the building wearing breathing apparatus - turned out to nothing more than an excess of "blue loo" toilet cleaner used by an over-zealous cleaner. A few people described the smell as "sweet" but others said that it was "unbearable" and "pungent" and many said they were suffering from headaches. "The smell was obnoxious and you wouldn't want to work in it" one evacuee said. "Someone really should tell those cleaners to lighten up a bit."
(Source: The Courier-Mail, Brisbane)

Wisconsin: Madison Police Chief Richard Williams has given himself a voluntary one-day unpaid suspension for violating his department's firearms policy after absent-mindedly microwaving his gun and shooting his dinner last month. Williams had used the microwave as one of the odd hiding places at home where he secreted his service revolver to reduce the risk of a burglar taking it. Forgetting he'd placed it in the microwave, Williams decided to heat up some turkey for his dinner one evening in late May this year, then returned to the loungeroom to watch TV with his rottweiler Chauncy. "Shortly thereafter - boom!" a police spokesperson said. "Luckily, Chief Williams and his dog were unharmed. But the Chief has suspended himself for a day all the same as an example to his staff. And no, we don't have any word on the fate of his dinner."
(Source: Associated Press)

Pennsylvania: Two Amish men have been charged with buying cocaine from an outlaw motorcycle gang and distributing it to young members of the conservative religious sect which doesn't believe in the use of modern conveniences such as cars, electricity, radio or TV. 24-year-old Abner Stolzfus and his 23-year-old brother have been accused of buying the drug from members of the Pagans motorcycle gang between 1993 and 1997. Police said that the pair had sold it to church youth groups at dances. Amish elders were shocked at the news, but said they had noticed the dances seemed "livelier" than when they were young men themselves - something they'd mistakenly attributed to their age rather than chemical enhancement.
(Source: AAP-Reuters)

New Zealand: Four dangerous prisoners who arranged their escape from the Paremoremo high-security prison via the telephone and an Internet connection thoughtfully supplied to one of them by prison authorities are back behind bars after leading police a merry chase across the rugged Coromandel peninsula for 11 days last month. After a series of stuff-ups by the authorities which had a distinct whiff of Keystone Cops about them - such as losing sight of the escapees when a police helicopter ran out of fuel, and having a local TV station broadcast instructions on bush safety and advice on how to survive the area's treacherous geography - the four were finally captured holed up in a millionaire's mansion in the area. When located, the escapees had been passing the time drinking $3,000 bottles of wine, playing Gangsta Rap on the stereo and watching the progress of the manhunt on a large-screen TV as they attempted to get the absentee owner's spa pool heated up. The prisoner who'd masterminded the escape but had not taken part in it, meanwhile, managed to get on TV to explain his motives to the public, who in turn had shown a singular reluctance to help authorities when it was suggested that anyone who had a holiday home in the area might care to check it to see if the "armed and highly dangerous" escapees were holed up there. "In retrospect, I think we could have handled all of this a bit better," a spokesman said after the four were returned to prison. "But then, it's easy to be wise in hindsight. Everyone's a critic."
(Source: Wellington Evening Post, New Zealand)

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